Better to Know Than to Always Wonder

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Better to Know Than to Always Wonder

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Posted: 5/20/2009
Note: Names, Identifying informaiton and details may have been altered to protect personal identities.

I first decided to look for my brother in the most unlikely place--while serving jury duty in a California courtroom. I served as an alternate juror for six months on a high-profile murder case. The defense's main argument was that the woman was not murdered, but had committed suicide. Over several months we listened to testimony after testimony given by expert psychologists. They discussed everything from the many reasons people commit suicide to the most common suicide methods, and by the time they were finished I was in turmoil.

It brought up a lot of unresolved feelings for me because my mother committed suicide when I was 3 years old. I started thinking, "gosh, we are talking so much about how this woman died. I wonder how she lived." I also began to wonder how my mother lived, and what ever happened to my half-brother, Robert.

I was raised by my mother's family and my brother went to live with his father, who is from Persia, the country that is today known as Iran. I knew that after my mother's death, Robert's father took him there and my family never heard from him again. After the revolution, they returned to the States and lived in Arizona, but we never heard from them again.

I have always loved my brother and longed to get back in touch with him. I even named my 20-year-old son after him. I contacted Search Quest America in March and the only information I had was Robert's name and approximate birth date. He was seven when my mom died. After talking with a search consultant, I decided to pursue the search. My case was assigned to Julie Jones, and she found Robert in just a few days. He is still living in Arizona, and Julie says that when she called him he was thrilled to get back in touch with me.

He still remembers me, and he has always loved me. He calls me his "baby sister" when we talk on the phone and for both of us it is like having a little piece of our mother back again. I don't remember anything about her, but in his childhood memories he sees her as a fun, loving woman who always tried to make us smile. We have exchanged photos and are building the relationship we always longed for. For the first time in my life I am starting to know how my mother lived, instead of focusing just on how she died. I know she loved me, and it is wonderful to know that I have a brother who still loves me and who never forgot about me.

We talk on the phone every day and I have been telling all my friends that if you are searching for someone, the reward is much greater than any chance of disaster. I know I got lucky because he was happy to be found, but even just for the sake of closure it is definitely worth searching. It is always better to know than not to know, and what you can gain is so much better than anything you might lose. We are going to meet over Memorial weekend this May, and I get a silly grin when I think about it. Thank you Search Quest America for helping me find my brother! You have given me the opportunity to know not just my brother, but my mom too. Thank you! Yvette.

(Written by Mica Burton on Yvettes behalf.)

Client ID# 237816
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