Found My Brother Instead

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Found My Brother Instead

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Posted: 4/24/2010
Note: Names, Identifying informaiton and details may have been altered to protect personal identities.

My name is Dennis. I am 44 years old now and I have never heard from my biological father or his family. I want to know why. The only thing I have ever been told about him or his family is that he gave up his parental rights so he wouldn't have to pay child support. My mom was only 15 at the time, so it left her with a huge burden. I want to find him today so I can look him in the eye and ask where he has been all my life. I have had a very happy life and don't need anything from him, just information. My adopted father told me he thought he might have shortened or changed his last name. I do know that his first name is also Dennis. I'm named after him, ironic though that may be.

I wonder what kind of man could just abandon his son like that. When I was a kid I used to wonder if I had done something wrong or if maybe he had another family he liked better or something. I've learned to put these questions to rest and ask the more important ones--what do I need to know to move forward with my life and be a better father and husband that he was? I guess my goal in searching for him was to find the answer to that question.

From the day I contacted Search Quest America to the day the case was solved was 26 days. My case was assigned to Julie Jones, who was awesome! She put me at ease and spoke frankly. She told me about some cases she has had that worked out great and a couple others that didn't. That helped me understand that anything can happen, but in the end I decided it is better to get bad news that go on wondering my whole life.

A few weeks into the search, Julie called with bad news--my father passed away back in February of 1992. I had told myself I was ready for bad news if it came, but I don't think you can ever be ready for that. I was so excited about meeting my father, and then found out that I will never have that chance. He was on the go for most of his life, so the goal became finding a living relative or perhaps a sibling who could help answer my questions.

A few days later she called to let me know the good news. I have a half brother named Jeff. She got in touch with him and found out that like me, his mom got pregnant at a young age and his dad (our dad) left when he was a kid, only 4 years old. We have both been asking ourselves the same questions our whole lives. Jeff never spoke with or heard from him after he left.

I wrestled with feelings of disappointment for a few days, and then I called Jeff. He is an outgoing, happy guy and we have lots of stuff in common. We even look alike! It's true that he can't shed much light on our father's life or who he was as a person, getting to know him could help me get to know myself better. It shows me that I'm not alone and I wasn't rejected because I did something wrong. It was our dad's M.O. I guess. It looks like we even have a couple half sisters out there still to find. This isn't exactly the ending I was expecting, but I am grateful. I guess what we want isn't always what we need. I set out to find my birth father, but found my brother instead. I can't ask for more since we are on our way to being good friends. Thanks SQA for helping make this whole thing possible. I couldn't have done it alone. You guys are the best!

(Written by Mica Burton on Dennis' behalf.)

Client ID# 265574
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