I Think I'm Your Birth Mother

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I Think I'm Your Birth Mother

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Posted: 5/27/2009
Note: Names, Identifying informaiton and details may have been altered to protect personal identities.

Charles was my first love. We dated during college but he had another girlfriend out of state. When he found out I was pregnant he didn't want to get married. I was only 19 and my mother offered to raise the baby, but she had 7 children already and I couldn't burden her. We decided as a big Catholic family that we would give him up for adoption through Catholic Charities. They sent me to a horrible unwed mother's home. To this day I still remember the decrepit brick building run by an elderly woman. It was a very grim place.

The brightest part of the whole pregnancy was the birth. I was older than most of the other girls, and because I was more mature they actually let me hold him for a few minutes. I counted his fingers and toes and marveled at how beautiful he was. Then I had to hand him back to the nurses and watch them take him away forever. It was a difficult decision, but the best thing I could do for my beautiful son. He deserved two parents who loved him and could take better care of him than I could.

I have lived the last forty years of my life with all these questions in the back of my mind. Is he ok? Is he happy? Is he healthy? As the years passed I wondered what his first day of school was like, if his first girlfriend was pretty, if he played sports or went to college. As the years passed I saw young families and wondered if he had settled down and started a family of his own. I ached to know if he knew he was adopted, if he ever thought about finding me, or if he harbors feelings of resentment for my decision to give him up.

I am almost sixty now and decided that it is time to find the answers to these questions. I eventually married and had a set of twins, a boy and a girl. I have kept the knowledge of their brother secret all these years. I told my daughter first and she encouraged me to contact Search Quest America after seeing an episode of The Locator on TV. We sat down and sent that first email together. All I wrote was, "I had to give my son up for adoption. I was a 19-yr-old college student with no means of support, and from a large Catholic family. I have prayed for him every day for the past 40 years, and want nothing more than to hold him in my arms and tell him that I have always loved him. Please help me."

I got a call back from Search Quest America a few weeks later. I decided to pursue the search and my case was assigned to Linda Strength. About a month after opening the case, Linda called me and told me she thought she had found him. I decided I wanted to call him on my own, and felt crushed when I found out that he had just moved from that address and the phone number had just been disconnected. But it wasn't a dead end. Since we had his name, Linda and I turned to the internet and found his current whereabouts on Facebook of all places.

The moment I saw his face on that tiny photograph, I knew it was him. He looks just like his father, and there was no doubt in my mind that this was my son.

So I sent him a message. I asked, "Were you born April 7th, 1969 and put up for adoption?"

He wrote me back five minutes later and said, "Yes I was. Why do you ask?"

I typed back, "Because I think I'm your birth mother and I have been waiting 40 years to hear your voice. Please call me." I provided my phone number and waited by the phone for about an hour, until finally it rang. It was one of the sweetest moments of my life. We spoke for over an hour and it was a dream come true. I explained the circumstances of his birth and found out that he never had hard feelings towards me, but also never thought about finding his birth parents. He had a good life and was raised by great parents and never wanted to rock the boat. He told me about his family--he has a wife and a little girl named Parker Ann. All I could think was, "I have a granddaughter!"

I told him about his brother and sister and expressed my desire to have a relationship with him and his family. But as we hung up I left the decision up to him to figure out if he wanted to correspond on a regular basis. He went home and talked to his family. Since I am the one who did the searching, it was really quite a shock for him to hear from me out of the blue. But it was also exhilarating for both of us. The next day I got an email and he said that after talking it over with his family, he would like to meet me and his siblings and is open to having a relationship with all of us. I couldn't be happier!!

Since that day he has talked with his siblings over the phone and on Facebook. He created a private website and every day he uploads new pictures and videos of his family. Every day when I wake up I look forward to seeing Parker Ann's sweet smiles.

The other day he asked me, "What made you search for me now, after all these years?"

I pondered on the question for a while and then replied, "I turned 60 last December, and I decided I didn't want any more years to pass before finding out if you were ok. You have been in my prayers every day for 40 years. I finally decided that I deserve the peace of knowing you had a good life. Thank you for giving me that gift and for letting me be a part of your life. I love you."

(Written by Mica Burton on Jean's behalf.)

Client ID# 154602
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